A Family Affair

Chris, a friend of mine whose brother is getting married soon, mentioned a schism emerging in his family. While tradition dictates that the bride’s family pays for the wedding, there are certain things for which the groom’s family is responsible–namely, the rehearsal dinner.

The parents in question have offered a certain amount of money toward it. The groom seems miffed, as he had envisioned a much larger rehearsal dinner. What to do?

The tradition of the bride’s parents paying for the wedding–from what I understand, please correct me if I’m wrong–comes from same mindset as a family giving a dowry. As time wore on, and dowries became extinct, it seemed fair that the groom’s family would pitch in for their own portion. Perhaps not exactly historically accurate, I assume this is round-about how it went.

Generations of overbearing mothers, frustrated brides and 20-something couples earning more money than their parents have shifted the tradition a bit. More couples are opting to pay for their own weddings–if only so they can have it their way.

While many couples planning a wedding are still in favor of the parent-paid arrangement, they often forget one major implication. That historically, and indeed in modern times, whoever foots the bill gets their say in planning. Fair enough? If one is paying, they should be able to at least put a cap on the size of the event. In the days of parents paying for and planning weddings, weddings were quite small. Events costing $20,000 or $100,000 were unheard of among the middle class. It was commonplace for a couple to be married in their church and have a modest reception at home–just what the parents could afford.

My opinion is this: If this couple wishes to stick to tradition and have their parents pay for the whole ordeal, their parents should be able to plan it on a scale they can afford. Anything beyond that is sheer frivolity–perhaps a welcome and pleasing frivolity–but should be paid for on the part of the marrying couple.

Readers, would you agree?

Carla Gonzalez-Hart

(photo credit: collonade)

April 10th, 2009 by admin | Posted in Ceremony and Vows | (1)